I'm Cary Grant.

Well, I'm not. But I play one on TV. Well, not on TV, but on stage. And I don't really play Cary Grant, but I play a character he once did, a long time ago, before I was born. Mortimer Brewster. Is the character I play, I mean. And Cary Grant plays him too. Or played, I guess, because he's dead now, right? We're both playing the same character, but at two different times, and one was in a movie, and mine is on stage, and I'm not currently dead. But other than that, it's the same. Except I'm not Cary Grant.

Anyway...

Yes, I've been cast in Arsenic and Old Lace, in a roll that was described to me, by the director, as the "Dashing and Heroic Lead" (capitlization not actually written, but certainly implied in the director's tone). Now, I've read the play a few times through so far, and I haven't seen much "dashing" or "heroicing" in it, so I think I may have been deceived maybe just a little. But he is a character who hates his job, and that's something I can, on at least some occasions, get my head around, so perhaps all is not lost.